What would Paul be like as a husband?

Q What are his hobbies and interests?

A. Pretty wide and varied. Sometimes I look at friends who have a real passion for a particular pastime and I envy them, as I don’t really. In fact, I don’t have a very strong addictive ‘gene’ full stop, such that I can pick up and put ‘stuff’ down with relative ease. I enjoy variety and would happily contemplate doing seven different things on as many days. Routine is regarded as a necessary evil. But for the present enjoy running, competing in races and sports in general, films, debates, theatre, music, jumping up and down at gigs and gardening. There may come a time when I will want to go to places, sit down quietly and look on, but think we are a long way off that time.

Q Does he expect me to join in these hobbies and interests?

If you would like to then that is great. If you don’t want to then don’t, I don’t want a little ‘wifey’ following me around. My partner will be a person not a ‘trophy’ for me to show off to others (although that is not to say that I won’t be immensely proud to be seen out and about with this person). Have had a chat with friends who are couples about whether it is important for partners to have shared interests, came to a conclusion that it wasn’t imperative, but it does help if the ‘other half’ has an awareness, empathy and appreciation of the others hobbies and/or activities, otherwise, it can cause issues.

Q Who will be the leader/planner/decision maker in the partnership?

From my earliest memories I have always felt as if the onus was on me to make all the decisions. And living alone for a considerable part of my adult life has shaped me into being a very independent person. I like to make one decision and make it decisively. Hopefully all this has not made me a ‘control freak’ but will have to let you be the judge of that. I love planning surprises for people, so always happy to be the organiser for any special event. All this is not to say that I wouldn’t be happy to take a back seat when it comes to choosing a restaurant, show to see, place to visit etc..., in fact I think I would positively welcome it.

Q Will he always let me get my own way?

I do suffer a bit from that there are only two ways of thinking my way and the wrong way. So, no, probably not, even if you do throw a tiny tears tantrum and lock yourself in the bathroom for hours! However, I have been involved and seen enough fights in my life. So, I don’t do fights anymore, only discussion, no arguments. Perhaps that little used and often misunderstood word in the English language ‘compromise’ may be needed to resolve any conflict.

Q Could I invite him to meet my family and/or friends without any worries?

Well I don’t bite (unless you ask nicely) and am housed trained. Also I like children, although I couldn’t eat a whole one. So whilst these things are always tend to be a bit of an ordeal for all parties, I am used to meeting people from all walks of life. I can converse with people on a number of different levels and on a wide range of social topics, with relative ease, so my social skills are pretty good.

Q What will it be like for me meeting his family/friends?

Well there is no family unit to speak of. As for friends, well as befits my slightly unusual and unconventional background, they are a pretty mixed bunch, with varying levels of intelligence, humour and dare I use that dreadful word ‘class’. Hopefully, in time, if will not be a case of ‘my’ friends and ‘your’ friends but ‘our’ friends.

Q What will it be like at social gatherings where we both attend?

I would expect my partner to be able socially savvy and would not like to be joined ‘at the hip’ with someone. We are as one but we are both individuals. So this may result in different conversations in different places. However, I would always have eyes for my partner, making sure she is happy and relaxed (tell from her body language) and not being cornered by some ‘knob head’ who is giving her the ‘third degree’ about something only he/she finds interesting. Although I would surmise that my partner will be adroit and feisty enough to be able to deal with someone like this, with the same ease as she would in swatting a fly away.

Q Will he try and change me?

Why would I want to do that? If I fell for you then I take on the whole package, warts and all. Sure there will be things about you that are different from me, maybe some that I don’t really like, but if they are significant, then we wouldn’t have got together in the first place. I want my partner to be the happiest girl in the world and letting you be yourself is a probably a good way to do that. I don’t want to re-shape anyone, you are what you are.

Q Will he want to come shopping with me?

No. However, if all your girlfriends, by a quirk of fate, had taken the space shuttle to Venus for the day to visit their ancestors and you needed a new outfit for a special event, party, work occasion etc... and wanted a second opinion or just someone to bounce some ideas off then yes I would come shopping with you.

If I learned to care about you, I would drop everything (whilst maintaining a sense of dignity, of course) and come, because if something is important to you then it would be important to me. In time I would hope my partner would not need to ask, and that I would be intuitive enough to recognise that my support was needed.

Rest assured, I would tell you what I thought as well (no good asking if you are not going to like the answer). That is not to say I would be so direct as to be hurtful but neither would I flannel you unnecessarily either. Nor would I only be interested in finding clothes that made me think ‘cor, really fancy you in that’. This is about you and not me, so it will be a case of knowing you as a person, understanding the image you wanted to project for the occasion and helping my partner shows off her personality and figure in the best light.

Q How will he treat me as a person?

Always with respect and as an equal.

Q Will he remember birthdays, anniversaries etc...?

I am an organised person by nature and people do often comment on how I always seem to remember such occasions, so guess the short answer is yes. However, I tend to, take the approach that if I see something wondering through life’s daily rituals, that I think that someone I care about would like, then I will buy it for them, regardless of whether it is Christmas, a birthday or just a cold, wet, cheerless day in November. Why should one day be extra special, what about the other 364 days (365 in a leap year!) in the year, should they not be special too, with the same amount of thought, time and love spread throughout the year to those nearest and dearest to you.

Impossible, well many things are, very difficult, certainly but then often the things that are really worthwhile in life are just that. Surely it is the degree of difficulty and overcoming this that makes it all the more memorable and pleasurable for those concerned.

Q If I want to go out with my girlfriends or blokes as friends is that a problem?

I think my partner would have many attractive qualities such that she would be popular with both sexes. So, yes I would expect that person to have a life of her own, without me, so no problems, go and enjoy yourself, and if I was flush, would slip you some money to hopefully make the day/night all the more pleasurable. I would expect the same attitude from you, if the situation was reversed. Friends of opposite sex, well it’s all about trust and if you don’t have that, then you probably don’t have very much at all.

Q What will he say about me to his friends, colleagues etc... when I am not there?

I will be cool, relaxed and matter of fact when discussing you with others. If you were to question said friends, colleagues and they were to say ‘oh, whenever you ring, or he talks about you, Paul goes all silly and soft...’ I will of course deny this as men never show their true feelings, especially in public!

Q He seems alright, so what is the catch then?

I am a long way from being perfect. I have many weaknesses and can suffer from crisis of confidence in certain situations. My partner will have to be both patient and understanding as I will try to be in return as I am neither seeking nor expecting perfection in them.

Q If Frankenstein had created him what would he be like?

Some cruel people may say he already had! But think the ‘love child’ of Roy Keane (footballer), Sir Alan Sugar and Chris Evans and you will be getting warm!